God’s Grace is Sufficient
When I was a child, I had no safe place to hide, or person to turn to. My mother was bipolar, manic, a hypochondriac, and addicted to painkillers and other drugs. A con artist, she moved my brother, sister and I from one place to another as she fell in and out of abusive relationships. I can still vividly remember mom waking me up in the middle of the night, forcing me to take her to the hospital to get her next “fix”—only to pass out on the way home. This was before I even had a driver’s license!
My father wasn’t any better. He was an abusive alcoholic who left us on my thirteenth birthday. Consequently, I assumed the role of “adult-child,” with my mother depending on me to take care of her and my siblings. Like my father, she was demeaning, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Needless to say, I was very angry. All I wanted to do was escape reality. At thirteen, I was insecure, mousy, and embarrassed of both my life and my humiliating family. I bottled up everything, trying hard to hide the truth.
Luckily, God had a plan all along. One day, my grandmother surprised me when she dropped me off at a summer camp at church. There, the Lord provided people who would influence my life for the next five to six years. Two pastors in particular faithfully demonstrated the Lord’s love: they taught me God’s word, and they offered support and counsel through many difficult years and emotions.
Nevertheless, I was in a tug-of-war. While the Lord pulled me toward himself, I responded with rebellion. I even began using drugs to try to numb my pain. It wasn’t until I was almost 19 and coming out of a very bad relationship that I fully gave my life to Christ. Until then, I knew God was with me in crisis, but I hadn’t yet been able to surrender to Him.
I was still fighting for control, not willing to relinquish my bottled up memories, mainly because I thought that if I submitted to the Lord’s control, my emotions would spill out for everyone to see.
It wasn’t until after my broken relationship that I finally returned to God. I began attending church consistently, and started hanging out with Christian friends. These brothers and sisters in Christ helped me to stay on the path God had for me. Emotionally, they helped by speaking the truth, and by making me accountable. Ultimately, these pastors, camp counselors, and Christian friends became my true family. It was then, after meeting Christ in the flesh, that I could begin to obey and surrender my life completely to God.
Every time I strayed, the Lord gently led me back. His love has proved to be steady and strong. When I was a child, He was my hero—and He is still my hero today. He has rescued me from poverty, emotional abuse, abandonment, addiction, and is now lifting me from my abasement. I feel His strong presence every time I lay down a piece of the chain from my past. Link by link, He helps me feel His love. I no longer seek Him out simply to survive; I now reach toward Him to embrace the many blessings that He has for me.
But healing is a process. Emotions and anxiety are still a part of my daily life. However, when I am deep in His word, I feel His healing touch. Reading the bible isn’t something I should do. God’s word is my medicine. He is The Great Physician, and the very healer of my soul. It is because of this healing that I continue to long for a deeper relationship with Him.
Despite my chaotic childhood, it is by God’s grace that I am standing here today. The dictionary defines ‘grace’ as “divine love and protection bestowed freely on people,” and certainly, God has demonstrated this in my life.
The verse that really speaks to me is 2 Corinthians 12:8-10:
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, For Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Tina
